Heart's End
by ForeverFlannel
Summary: Anders and Hawke are close friends, both fighting desperately to free the mages of Kirkwall, but when Hawke comes down with a mysterious illness, will they become something more? F!Hawke/Anders. Mostly done in Hawke's POV but I may post a few chapters as Anders or Merrill since she'll also have a big part later on.
1. The Fire Inside

I slowly felt my body start slipping away from itself, my knuckles beginning to turn white from trying to suppress my shaking bones. It felt as if my stomach was crumpled up inside with my heart steadying it's pace. Soon I knew I would feel that familiar warmth slip over my body, like my insides were being set on fire for the world to see. I shook with every step, desperate and exhausted. I tightly closed my eyes as I fought back the burn inside my chest, my pupils were on fire at this point and I could barely contain the fear that had awoken in my heart as the scorching feeling ran through my veins, making me cringe as every second passed.

Though my mind was starting to unravel and my thoughts became unhinged, my sore eyes stayed glued straight ahead as I continued through the familiar streets of Lowtown, effortlessly slipping through the narrowest of side streets and cutting corners, sliding my way through dozens of people. I focused as much energy as possible on the path that lay before me, desperately trying not to steady my pace and succumb to the burning that fulfilled every morsel of my being. I could not fall apart here, in Hightown, Darktown, or anywhere near them. My struggle could not be known. I held back yet another scream as the burning reached the top layers of my skin. I stopped dead in my tracks, closing my eyes as dizziness filled my head.

"Uh, Hawke?.. Are you holding up alright? Your not exactly moving anymore." Varric's voice rung in my ears, echoing through the walls of my brain. I bit deeply into my lip, titling my head back towards the sound of his voice, my whole body swaying as I forced myself to stand straight. As I strained my eyes, trying to focus on the muscular dwarf, something else caught my attention. A tall and extremely handsome apostate, to be exact. He had a look of concern and awe plastered on his face, staring me right in the eyes as he helped me stand up straight- his hands lingering on my hips momentarily before pulling away much to my dislike.

Anders placed his hand on my forehead, examining my face as his other hand delicately ran over my fiery cheek. I leaned closer to his touch, snuggling my face in his hand as I relaxed for a second. Though I had some feelings towards him and cared deeply for his well being, we were nothing more than friends. Me and Anders had gotten closer since the expedition and even closer after the business with the Arishok had been dealt with. I had a great amount of love and respect for him since the day we had came home from the expedition and found Bethany at Gamlen's estate being taken by none other than the blighted templars. We vowed that we would restore the freedom of mages even if we had to take down Knight-Commander Meredith our self.

"If you aren't feeling well, I could take you to Darktown. I'm starting to become worried. You don't look so good." He muttered to me, a scared look washing over his face before blinking it away awkwardly, his face parting from mine as he became nervous once again. "I don't mean you don't look good. You look as wonderful as always. I"

I smiled through the agony as my body continued to wreak havoc on itself. "Anders. I'm going to be fine. I'm just tired." I whispered back, my words quickening as the sentence came to an end. He nodded, still looking quite worried as he slowly began to remove his hands from my face. Just then my control began to slip away, I felt a cold rush of air engulf me. I wasn't going to make it. I felt my eyes begin to burn again as I stared at him, quickly turning back around as the light shot through my eyes. I continued my journey to the estate. It soon became unbearable.

I gritted my teeth, trying to fight forward as I covered my glowing arms with my sleeves- barely hiding the red glow. By now the whole party had stopped, taking notice to my obvious confusion and agony. Oh Maker, please not now.. I was nearly at the bottom of the steps leading to Hightown when my feet would no longer carry my weight. My tries to keep going were useless, like if my feet were buried in sludge. Slowly I began to lose my composure as the reddened glow flooded my sight. I fell to my knees just as my friends were starting to reach my side, the voices were louder than before and my vision was blurring more and more with each second, feeling a steam of heat pour from my pupils and the glowing lines on my pale skin.

I heard from afar Merrill screaming my name, looking up to see her just staring at me from above, crying. I saw a body fall next to me but I couldn't make out their face. Their arms gripped around mine, pulling my head to their lap. I had failed to manage my power, I thought to myself, I had failed them.. My heart dropped as I forced myself awake, raising my heavy hand to place it over his as I forced my eyes open. The glow that radiated from them blinded me. "I'm so sorry..." I mumbled, my breath catching in my throat and my body trembling as the fire inside my body became unbearable. I screamed as the pain worsened even more, squeezing onto the hand that lay on my shoulder. Underneath my own scream I heard Merrill cry louder and louder, the sound piercing through my ears but soon becoming muffled. I looked up one last time, seeing Isabella holding her tighter than ever, holding Merrill back from my almost lifeless body. My eyes moved towards the person sitting across from me, it was none other than Varric. He was watching me with his mouth covered and his eyes wide. He was holding my hand.

Maker, what have I done? I have hurt everyone. How could this happen? Just then I felt my eyes begin to close again as warm blood slipped from the corner of my mouth, my throat was literally feeling like it was on fire. My eyes spotted Anders right before beginning to close again, he stared down at me in horror, brushing my hair from my face. I could tell in that second that he was trying hard not to break down, trying not to worry me anymore and to assure me that I would be okay, when deep down inside, he knew something was seriously wrong and in his heart he knew I might not make it. "Don't you dare leave me, Hawke." He spoke to me as gently as possible, I could even hear the shaking in his voice and the quivering of his lips. There was a pain in his voice I hadn't heard before.

There I laid in the arms of my friends, Anders warm grasp around my body and Varric's hand wrapped tightly around mine. I felt the world dissolve around me, my eyes closed and they clung tighter to me. I could no longer feel my heart pound in my chest and the voices of those I loved faded out.


	2. The Bloodied

I had just regained my consciousness, only to find myself in Darktown's clinic. I laid on small bed near the back corner of the room. My body felt like it had been set ablaze from inside out and my open eyes were swollen and sore. I couldn't move or speak, all I could do was watch the scene around me unfold. My senses were somehow heightened and I could here everything so clearly- Merrill was crying in the chair a few feet from me, her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. Dark grey tears fell down her chin as she stared down at the ground.

Isabella was sitting next to Merrill, her arm snaked around the girl's small frame as she sat hunched over with a tired look on her face. She had dark circles under her piercing hazel eyes, they looked almost a bright yellow against her tan skin. Her eyes stared at my frail body, wide and terrified. I wanted so badly to scream and let them know I was okay, just to hug them and let them cry on my shoulders. I had everyone scared and it didn't take me long to realize this. My weary eyes continued to scan the dingy room, finding Varric leaning against the wall in front of my bed, the same look that Isabella had plastered his face. Suddenly, I felt a warm drop of liquid hit my face. I moved my eyes slowly towards where it had came from, soon wishing I hadn't. Anders. Dear Maker, he's crying.. What have I done?

Anders sat at the top of the bed, my head resting in his lap just like before. His body trembled as tears poured from his amber eyes, his pupils were dilated, eyelids swollen and the whites of his eyes were completely bloodshot. He had one arm wrapped around me, holding onto my very limp hand while the other moved from under my head to my face, wiping the dried blood away from my mouth and gently using the back of his finger to pull away the blackened lines of tears that streamed down my face. "I'm so sorry I am not strong enough to fix you.." Anders spoke, staring down at me as he tried desperately to stop sobbing. I wanted to die at that very moment. I had killed the strongest person I know. I needed to show him I was awake but every time I tried to move the pain worsened. I didn't care.

His hand shook as he brushed his messy tangled hair back, watching closely to see if my condition changed at all as the minutes passed by. I had to do something. I kept trying to move, anything at all would do the trick. Just to show them I was alive. As I tried to squeeze his hand, an electrifying feeling shot through my body and straight to my head. I jolted in misery as heat flushed my eyes, I was unable to see clearly again but I could literally feel his pulse start racing as he quickly straightened up, pulling me up a little more. I opened my mouth to scream but no words came out, only fire rose in my lungs and blood dripped from my mouth. I could barely breathe, my chest felt like it was collapsing. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I looked up at him in utter misery. "Storm!" A loud scream escaped his lips as he held me tighter and tighter, a tear falling from his eyes as he cradled my in his arms. Merrill was screaming again and had Isabella grasping onto her robes, burying her pale face in the crook of her neck.

The tears that fell from everyone in the room seemed to drown me in sadness. Varric rushed back over to me, trying to help Anders contain me as I shook wildly, more and more blood bubbling from between my lips. My eyes widened and began to burn once more as I felt a stabbing feeling in my chest. The faces that surrounded me were now lit up with a red glow, I peered down to see my skin gleaming the same red. It was happening again and all I could do was lie there and watch. I felt myself begin convulsing as red spewed from my mouth again, covering Anders and Varric in blood splatters. He began crying again as he tried to hold me down, that same look of sadness and fear I had seen earlier plastered on his face. He was grasping my bloodied shirt and rocking me in his arms with his head shoved in the crook of my neck for what seemed like forever. Anders held me down as I shook violently, his crying muffled but loud.

From the dark doorway emerged a confused and very angry looking Fenris. It didn't take him long at all to spot me in the middle of the commotion and he had raced over as quick as he possibly could. "Hawke." He murmured, stopping dead in his tracks as he spotted the blood pouring from my mouth and the glowing lines on my skin. As soon as he saw me close up the brooding look he always wore had turned to pure worry and all the color left his face. He swiftly moved to the top of the bed in one step, helping the others hold me down by keeping me from moving my legs off the bed. I shook more and more, opening my mouth again and screaming at the very top of my lungs. Blood continued to fall out of my lips as I tried to close them, feeling a knot in my stomach as the liquid filled my mouth.

"She's sodding choking, Blondie! Do something and stop pouting for Maker's sake!" Varric snapped, looking over at Anders with a look of anger. His head quickly shot up from my chest and he looked down at me again, his face getting even more pale as he saw all the blood I had lost. Anders wrapped his arm around my shoulders, helping me to sit up just in time so I could spit out the blood before suffocating myself in it. My insides turned as I tried to keep myself up, coughing from the blood that was lodged in my throat. I gripped onto him as I began to shake again, more than the first time. I could feel my heart pound as another scream escaped my mouth- my whole body heating up even more. It felt like I was rolling in fire and the more I screamed the brighter the lines on my skin got.

He held me gently in his arms, still holding me down enough to keep me from bouncing my head off of the bed as the shaking became stronger. Another scream fell from my mouth, this time it was a name. Everything in the room seemed to slow down and everyone looked at me as his name left my lips. "Anders!" My bones rattled as I screamed and my body seized, the blood falling from my lips seeming like more of a foam than a liquid. The red that had radiated my body now also shown from my mouth. I watched him in panic as I saw the blue light come from his hand, pressing it closely to my chest. It was cold and soothing and ripped the pain from me like water soothes a fire. I fell heavy again, the glow fading from my skin and the fire inside me was suffocated again.

Everyone around me stopped and watched as my breathing slowed back down, my pupils shrinking again. "Storm?" His voice shook as he placed his hand on my face, looking down at me, exhausted. I reached my hand up to his, holding onto it with all my might. "Please don't.." He stopped himself from finishing his sentence, closing his eyes tightly as I moved my hand to his face. "Just don't." He sighed, opening his watery eyes again, his trembling hand holding mine just as I had did not a minute earlier. My eyes began to close again but I forced them open.

"I won't, Anders." I hoarsely replied, pulling his face towards me once more. "I never will."

I finally let my eyes close as everything went black, the sounds around me now muffled as my heart slowed once again.


	3. The Exhausted Mage

_This chapter is going to be written in Anders POV since Hawke is passed out. :P_

I sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Fenris stomped back and forth from one side of the room to the other, glaring at me each time he passed me. "Maker's breath! Would you stop the blighted pacing? Everyone is worried, Fenris. Your making it worse." I hissed, throwing my hands in the air as I stood up from my spot. Fenris stopped dead in his tracks, snapping his head towards me with anger.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me you sodding idiot. You should consider a better expression. The angry brooding look doesn't quite suit you." I retorted, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I gave him a cold look. He dropped his hands to his sides, flipping around and walking over to me, nostrils flaring and his lips curled up.

"Listen, mage. It will be a cold day in hell before I listen to you." Fenris pushed his finger to my chest, gritting his teeth as he saw the most sarcastic smile slip onto my face. "Oh, you think that's funny, don't you Anders? Do you also find it funny that your little play toy lay half dead before your eyes?" He nearly screamed, his hands turning white from how tight he had his fists. I snarled at him, inching closer.

"What did you just call her?"

He smirked, giving me a fake look of shock. "Oh, are you offended? Are you deaf, too?" Fenris' smirk widened for a moment before continuing, "Do you need me to spell it out for you, ya bloody fool!" He spoke slow and mockingly, each word filled with venom as he knocked the chair behind me down with his hands. "She's. Your. Little play toy!" He stomped his foot to every word, nearly spitting on me by the last. I walked closer to him, pointing at his chest.

"If you ever, ever, ever, call her that again I will personally cut your brooding little elf head off and put it on a spike in front of my clinic!" Growling, I took both of my hands and flung him back with little effort. He laughed, picking himself up from the floor and starting right back at me again.

"Aw, Anders, are you angry? Did you get your little feelings hurt? Wanna go cry to Hawke?" He spoke like a child. I held myself back from killing him as my face turned red with anger. "Well guess what, you can't! I hear you speak of how people use her, but you know what? So do you. All you do is cry to her about your nonsense. Oh, those poor mages. Oh, poor me. Oh, I'm so depressed because I have a spirit inside me that I willingly let in! Please help me I'm so alone!" I reared my hand back, slapping him across his face.

Fenris stared at me in shock, anger etched into his face. "You know what, Anders. Hawke is lucky to be knocked out. At least she doesn't have to listen to your stories about how she should feel sorry for you!" Another slap. He opened his eyes, spitting the blood from his mouth. "How dare you! It's your fault she's dying to begin with!"

I froze, looking at him in shock. "You honestly think it's my fault? Are you really that stupid?"

He laughed under his breath, wiping the blood from his cracked lip with the back of his hand. "Of course I do, Anders. I would expect nothing more from an abomination like yourself. I don't doubt for a second that you didn't taint her with Justice! If you did, I'll save her the trouble and put her out of her misery so she doesn't end up like you." I shook at his words, unable to keep my composure as I felt my blood run cold. My skin began to glow blue as did my eyes, smoke pouring from them as Hawke's did hours earlier. I no longer held control, I only could watch as Fenris' eyes widened, my possessed form stepping closer and closer.

"You will not threaten her in my sight ever again!" The deep screaming growl shook the ground under my feet. "You will never hurt her as long as I am in this world!" Fenris was knocked into the wall in seconds and Justice kept going towards him. "You will not touch her with your blade, nor with your hand! You will stay away or you will die! I will protect her, for she has done nothing wrong! You will suffer for your words, elf!"

Just as we had reached Fenris, a scream erupted. "Justice!" It was Hawke. Justice turned toward her, eyes softening as he found her standing behind us. "You must stop this."

"Lady Hawke, you have awoken. This elf must die. The words he speaks of you are in vain. He shall not do so any longer." The staff raised higher in air as Justice began to turn towards Fenris again. Storm grabbed onto Justice's arm, stopping him from killing Fenris right where he lay. "Release me, mistress. There must be justice!"

She held onto me, looking directly into my glowing eyes. "Justice you cannot do this. Violence doesn't stop violence, it only creates more. You must understand that two wrongs don't always make a right." He paused, looking at her confused.

"I do not understand, my lady. You do not wish for me to defend you?" He dropped the staff from my hand, head tilting to the side. She smiled, her hand falling from my arm to my hand. She gripped it tightly. How could she smile at me while Justice was in control? It was odd enough that he spoke to her so kindly.

"Justice, tis good and fine to defend me, but there is no need to kill a man over his words. Speaking your mind is good enough and I'm very proud of you for doing so, but I'm even happier that you stopped to listen to me. Only kill over wounds, not words."

He gripped gently on her hand, watching her intensely. "I will remember this, and I will respect your wishes, madam. Is there anything you ask of me, Serah Hawke?" He leaned down, kissing her hand with a nod of acceptance. What had gotten into him? Has he gone batty?

She giggled, grinning at him. "You flatter me with your kindness but there is no need for such gestures. You've no need to belittle yourself for my respect. You earned that long ago when I saw how strongly you care for the mages. I support your cause, mages must be free and not held prisoner under the assumption that all mages are bad."

"I do not belittle myself by expressing my admiration for you, Champion. I take pride in doing so. I am honored to have your support in our quest to free the mages." He smiled at her, hesitantly letting go of her hand. "And my question, again, Serah Hawke? Is there something you wish of me?"

"I refuse to ask any more of you, friend. All I ask is that I may speak to Anders. I'm not feeling so well at the moment." She slurred, her body nearly tipping over before he could grab her. I began to see the blue glow fade away from my arms as I saw her slipping. I pulled back into my arms, realizing that I was back in control.

"I can't take this pain anymore.. Every time I try to move or speak.. I'm so sorry, Anders. I tried to control it but it was too much.." She groaned, watching me pick her up effortlessly and set her back on the bed.

"There's no need to apologize to me. Just lay down." I mumbled, trying to keep my feet on the ground as I waited for her to get situated, the glowing hands resting above her.

"Are you okay?.. You don't look well." She winced, trying to sit up again but falling back down. I nodded, attempting to hold myself up long enough to heal her but failing miserably as I felt myself collapse before her.


	4. The Last Chance

I lifted my face from the pillow slowly, feeling a knot in the back of my head as I heard a knock at my bedroom door. "Yes?" I groaned, drooping my head as I rubbed my eyes with a little yawn.

"It's me, Bodahn, madam. May I come in or are you.. Busy?"

I giggled, looking over at the sleeping mage beside me. "Not at all, Bodahn. He's still asleep. If we were up to anything I think you would know by now."

"Oh, well. That's good to know, dear. I suppose." He spoke quietly, peeking into the room before stepping in. "You weren't kidding, were you?" He smiled, walking over to the side of the bed Anders was on and leaning onto his pillow, examining him before looking back at me. "He's asleep like a baby. How.. Odd."

I raised an eyebrow, chucking as I looked over at the dwarf. "What, do you think apostates don't need rest?"

Bodahn scratched the back of his head as he shuffled back to the foot of the bed. "Well, no. I just have never seen him so peaceful." I bit my lip, smiling more to myself than to him. Hm. Anders was peaceful. What a concept. "Anyway, back to why I have disturbed you to begin with. There was a knock at the door earlier. A note of some sort. From Fenris, perhaps? Though it looks like a females writing. Male elves do sometimes write like females, though."

I frowned, looking down at the sheets. "Fenris can't read so I doubt he wrote me an apology letter. Do you have this letter present?" He nodded, sticking out his hand. I gently grabbed the it from him, realizing there were two. "You didn't mention a second letter.."

"Oh! And this." He passed me a tiny crumple of parchment, smiling at me. "I believe the other letter to be from Bethany, madam. And the note is from Mister Varric. I'm sure you will find it most pleasing. I couldn't help myself from taking a peek, I find him quite amusing."

I laughed, nodding in agreement. "He is quite the story teller. Though I do not approve of the ones about me at times."

"Speaking of stories, a few days ago he told me about how on one of your ventures to Sundermount, you had just woken from a deep sleep to find a high dragon outside camp. You then slew the dragon, in only your undergarments and you wore it's wings to depart from the peak of the mountain and kill the darkspawn that were headed for your camp! You are mighty brave, my friend!"

I stared at him in pure disbelief before bursting into a fit of laughter. "Oh, Varric! That blasted fool! I can't believe one could come up with such nonsense!" I howled, holding my stomach as I fell over from laughing so hard. "Have you heard the one about my darkspawn sensing pantaloons that glow when 'spawn are near?"

Bodahn smiled, looking at me as if I had gone absolutely mad. "In fact, madam, I have! I also heard of how you ripped the Vartarral limb by limb with your bare hands, and how you wear the Arishok's skull as a helm!"

I grinned, trying to keep my composure as I saw Anders beginning to move from the corner of my eye. "Well, tis good to catch up with you. Maybe later you would care to join me and Anders for dinner so I can hear more of these batty stories he tells everyone."

He nodded, bowing at the waist before starting towards the door. "As you wish, dear. I would very much like that. I'll be seeing you later.. Though I do suggest you go see Mister Varric.. The note he wrote had some important information in it."

I nodded back, watching him shut the door before clenching my jaw shut as the pain hit my chest. Not again.. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, trying my best to keep a level head as I laid back down, watching Anders flip over. He opened his eyes, staring at me nervously as he scooted back a little. "What- Wait. Why am I-" He looked down, realizing that his chest was bare, making is eyes widen even more. "Oh my. What in the name of Andraste-"

I giggled, watching him continue to stutter and freak out as he finally figured out that he was in my room. I think I might just have a little fun with this, I thought, smiling to myself as I leaned up. "Why, don't you remember how you got here?"

He looked over at me, his eye twitching a little as his mouth opened. "How exactly did I get here? Please refresh my memory because I haven't the slightest idea. Last thing I remember was passing out in Darktown. Wait a minute.. Did-"

Oh no, he's starting to figure it out. I bit my lip, trying to think for a second. "Don't you remember Anders?" I frowned at him, forcing my eyes to widen, "Don't you remember carrying me from Darktown to Hightown? The passionate kiss in the dark alleyway? The rain falling on us as you lead me back to my estate? The wild, hot, love making?"

His mouth dropped even more, for a moment he stared at me. Just staring at me utterly speechless. His face became more and more red as the minutes passed "Oh dear Maker, I'm so sorry, Hawke.. I mean, Storm. Or darling in this case, whichever you prefer. Please don't beat me for this. You scare me when your angry with me."

I laughed, hitting him on the arm with a smirk, "Anders, there's no need to trouble yourself. I was only joking with you. When you passed out in Darktown I had Fenris and Varric help me get you to the bed, but then I heard that templars were raiding the undercity so I had them help me get you here through the basement."

He look over at me, calming down a little and putting his head back on my pillow. He looked at me confusedly, pulling the blanket over my arm when he saw me shake. "Why would you do that for me? After all I've done.. You helped me?"

I smiled reassuringly, reaching over to the dresser to grab the small key. "Anders.. I don't think I can lose anyone else, especially you. You've been the only one whose helped me through everything. In fact, I have something for you." I grabbed motioned him to give me his hand, holding the key tightly in my own.

"Another present? You shouldn't go out of your way for me, Hawke.."

I grabbed his hand, smiling wider as I placed the key in it. "I would do more if I could, and I will go out of my way for my friends, no matter how much they argue about it. Now, here. This is a key to the cellar, you can get here right from your clinic. Hopefully this will reassure me that you'll be safe. I know you won't stay here despite how much I despise you sleeping in that dingy clinic, so this is all I can offer until you stop being so bloody hardheaded."

He looked at the key in his hand with a smile, holding it as tightly as I had before slipping the chord around his neck. "Thank you. But.. Since when did you ask me to live here?" He furrowed his eyebrows, his gaze transferring from the key to my eyes.

"Well, Anders, I had brought up your safety on many occasions but you ignore it, I've slipped it into conversations, tried to bring it up as nonchalantly as possible that you need somewhere safer to go if anything ever happened."

Anders stared down at the sheets, the smile drifting from his face. "I don't know how exactly to say this, Hawke.. But.. I don't think I should stay with you. It's not safe for me to even be here now.. I shouldn't trouble you like this. I need to get going." He spoke quietly in monotone, raising up from the bed slowly, looking over his shoulder at me. "I'm.. sorry. I just know I'm not good for you. I'm terrified that I'll hurt you."

I leaned up from my spot slowly, trying to move with the least amount of pain possible. I gripped onto his arm, taking a deep breath as my nerves got the best of me. He started to stand, making my heart beat faster. Bloody hell, please don't fall. "Anders.. Please wait. Your not well." I scurried off the bed and to his side, grasping onto his arms as his feet wobbled under him. "You've used far too much of your magic trying to heal me. I can't let you leave even if you were okay. The templars have been down in Darktown for two days looking for you. I'll be damned if I'm going to give you up that easily. And I don't care if you think your not good for me, I know who you are and I know you wouldn't hurt me. Even if you did, I would still be right here. What I feel for you is unconditional."

He looked down at me with a childish frown on his face and I could see in his eyes how we was holding back the urge to smile. I huffed, scrunching my nose and curling up my lips as I rubbed my forehead, "Please sit, Anders. Now. I don't wanna have to get violent. You must rest. I'm too worried about you to let you leave." I spoke just as my mother would when I was a child, peeking up from my hands to see that he had moved closer. "What are you doing now? I beg of you, please listen to me this once. I need to watch you." Anders inched even closer, his hand moving from his side to my cheek in an instant. I pulled my hand down from my face slowly, looking up at him nervously, my lip twitching as I observed his face as he tilted his head, leaning towards my ear.

"I thought you would've run from me by now like everyone else, but yet you stay at my side and prove me wrong. You care so much for me and I don't understand, but I love it. All I know is that I can't keep refusing to be with you. I just want you to know that if I do stay here, I won't be able to refuse any longer. This is your last chance to walk away." I didn't reply at first from shock and he had began to pull back. I took one step forward, pulling my arm around his neck.

"I wish you wouldn't try to walk away before I say that I love you. You don't know how many times I've tried to say this to you. Just stop being so damn hardheaded and stop resisting. Your driving us both mad." With those words his lips flew to mine and I braced myself to hit the bed. Even though I was gently laid down instead of falling like I thought I would, my back still aching heavily from the pressure but I ignored all the pain. I had waited years for this moment, and I wouldn't let anything ruin it. Now that I had finally had him though, I would be forced to go on an adventure to find out what was wrong with me.


	5. The Letters

There I sat, staring down at the letter in front of me at the table, the dim lit room barely casting light on it. I tapped my hand on the book next to me, plopping my feet onto the table. "Aren't you going to open it, love? It can't be that bad. Nobody writes that neat while near death." Anders leaned over my shoulder, flicking the letter at my hand. I chuckled at him, catching it right before it fell without trying. "Are you sure your not an assassin? Or something else sneaky and quick?" I soon felt myself giggling at his comment, setting the letter on top of the other one.

"How does catching a letter make me capable of an unseen back stab flip attack?" I grinned, reclining on the chair. He looked at me in thought for a second, staring down at the letter.

"Well, I'm not sure anyone can do an unseen back stab whatever other words you said attack." He looked at me in complete belief of what he had just said, not even cracking a smile due to how short his attention span was. He couldn't even tell me what I had said not seconds earlier.

I shook my head, dipping my finger in the black ink on my desk slowly, trying to not let him see me. "I think 'Bela could do it." I bit my lip, looking up at him and poking his cheek with the ink on my finger. "Your so silly, have you forgotten how fast 'Bela is? She's bloody fantastic with those twin blades of hers."

He looked down at me, an odd look appearing on his face. He raised an eyebrow at me, looking at my hand and then back to my face. "What did you just poke me with?" He glared at me jokingly, leaning closer to my face. I giggled, slipping away from him just as he was about to kiss me. "Why must you be so quick? You make me feel.. Old."

I smiled, putting my hand under his chin and lifting his head to mine. "Darling, your only three years older than me. What ever happened to your great Warden abilities? You must be holding something back."

Anders stared deeply into my eyes, his breath hitting my face as he came closer, a devilish smirk crossing his mouth. "Woman you tempt me." Then, just as I had closed my eyes to kiss him, I felt his lips against my neck on the opposite side of where he had just been not seconds earlier. I gripped onto the seat of my chair, tipping my head as he bit my neck. "How many times have I told you not to tempt me?" He breathed onto my neck, sending a chill down my spine, a whimper escaping my lips. Just as I was about to turn to him, he was gone. I laughed, jumping up from my chair and seeing him across the room.

Crawling into the darkness, I quickly made my way to him, jumping into his arms with a grin from ear to ear. He must have saw me because his arms were already out when I jumped. "Why do you tempt me and walk away?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and moving closer, finally reaching his mouth and pulling on his bottom lip with my teeth. Just as quickly as before, I was pressed to the wall farthest from us, groaning as his hips dug into mine.

"Because it pleases you all the better when I finally get to have you." I blushed as his words hit my ears, never once had I imagined him to talk like this. He slid his hand to my blouse, trying to undo the chord that kept it shut. I untied the bow with only the pull of a string, slipping out of the blouse and sliding behind him and tugging my arms around his waist, my hand trailing down his pants. I heard a smile in his voice as he spoke, turning around in my arms. "I won't give up that easily, love." He faded back into the darkness, his breath suddenly hitting the back of my neck as I was pushed to the wall.

"You honestly think that I'm going to give up, Anders? You must have gone mad." I giggled, soon becoming silent as my hands were pinned to the wall.

"You honestly think that I'm going to let you go? Your the one whose mad." He chuckled, breathing in my scent as he leaned forward to kiss the back of my neck. I flipped around, pressing my lips to his in a sweet kiss before moving away. He had caught on to me, spotting me through the darkness of the corners. I heard footsteps behind me as I passed the desk, stopping dead in my tracks as I hit a hard warm surface. Damn.

"Around the opposite side of the table trick, yes? Very sneaky of you. You always get me when you do that. Fall for it every time." I muttered, staring up at him as his hands wrapped around my waist loosely and low, hanging right above my ass almost as to tease me. A smirk played on his lips as he looked down at me.

"I know what else always gets to you." He whispered, his lips running over my chest as he lifted me easily, taking a giant step forward and when I looked again I was sitting on the desk. I bit onto my lip, staring up at him as he hovered over me, his hands resting on my thighs.

"And what is that?"

A low growl left his throat as he looked up from my chest, his sparkling eyes meeting my own with lust. "Would you like a demonstration of some sort?" His hand ran up my side and under my skirt as his lips found mine. There was no need for words. The kisses we shared were short and passionate and the breathing uneven. Things became strewn across the room minutes later as we both flopped our arms around the table, trying desperately to make room. Just as I had leaned back on the table, I felt something soft and furry on my forehead.

"Mow."

Anders looked up with widened eyes as he heard my cats quiet meow. Dusty was a little orange cat with bright blue eyes, his fur was grey on certain spots and his chest was white. His stripes faded as they came down his torso. "Oh my. Dear Maker! Is this real?" Anders muttered reaching his hand towards the cat that was now on my chest, I winced as I felt his nails claw into my chest in the wrong places when Anders had patted his head lovingly. "What a beautiful tabby cat! He looks like.." Anders looked down, sad for a moment before turning his head back towards Dusty that had started purring at him. "You look like Sir Pounce-a-lot." He lifted the cat up, wrapping his arms around him with a grin. "Why didn't you tell me you had a cat, darling?"

I bit my lip, attempting to keep myself from smiling as I saw the automatic bond between them. "I really haven't had the chance to, now have I?" I motioned to my half naked figure and my ripped skirt. I lifted my hand, sitting up and leaning towards him. "Three times today, Anders. Three times just today and it's barely noon. Not including twice last night. Andraste's ass, I haven't had a moment to do anything." He blushed a little, rubbing his foot on the floor as he cradled the kitty in his arms. He looked like he had his feelings hurt. I pulled him forward, smiling and kissing his head. "I don't mind, love, honestly. It makes up for the years I was without you."

He smiled again carefully placing Dusty in one arm and wrapping the other around me. "Does this little guy have a name? Is there more? Doesn't the mabari try to eat the cat? Do they become friends?"

I laughed, nuzzling against his chest as I saw the child-like innocent look on his face when he was talking about the cats. "His name is Dusty. He's the oldest. I have one more. I just got him around the time we met, and when I heard about Sir Pounce-a-lot I wanted to give him to you. I've wanted to let you over to see them and have dinner but things haven't been so well around here and we haven't really had a moment to just sit and breathe.. And yes Brute loves both of them. Would you like to go see the other?"

He nodded, his eyes lighting up in excitement as he looked up from the cat to look at me. "Would you like to go see your friends, Sir Dusty?" He lifted the cat in his arms, rubbing his nose on the Dusty's.

"Mow."

"Where is the kitten now?" Anders grinned, placing the tabby on the table and lifting me up in a hug. I grabbed the letters, leading him out into the main room to get Bodhan, Dusty following close behind us just purring away. "It's like we have our own little family now." My heart skipped a beat as that word fell from his lips. Family. Anders wanted.. a family? With me? Maker's breath, this must be a dream or he must be taking too much lyrium. I gripped tighter on his hand, looking over at him just as we passed Sandal.

"Sandal, where is Bodhan? Do you know where Dusty's friend is?" I spoke loudly, looking around the corner to find him no where. Sandal looked at me confused, his mouth hanging open.

"No enchantment?"

I giggled, looking at the box next to him. "Maybe Anders would be interested in your enchantments later, Sandal. You've already done my weapons for me. We just need to find your father to see where the kitty is."

Sandal looked up at Anders, smiling with his mouth open as he clapped. "Anders! I like Anders."

Anders smiled at him, stepping forward and opening the box to look inside. "You must do a lot of enchanting, Sandal. I haven't seen this much equipment in one place in my entire life."

Sandal looked over at the box, swaying back in forth as he watched Anders stand back up straight and walk back over to me. "Do you like Lady Hawke?" I tried to hide the smile that was growing on my face as he stated the quite obvious. Ah, Sandal. You make me laugh.

"I like Lady Hawke a lot, actually." Anders looked over at me, smiling as he squeezed my hand tighter. Sandal laughed, clapping even louder as he watched us.

"Marriage!" He nearly screamed, laughing a little as he seemed to bounce up and down. "Lady Hawke and Anders. Marriage, marriage! Yay!" I turned my head down, looking to my side. The more Sandal said it, the more the pain grew in my chest. That would never happen. We could never have a family or be married. It would always be just us. That thought killed me. I could never marry him because he was an apostate. Anders saw the look on my face and pulled his arms around me in a hug.

"One day, love, we will. This gives me all the more reason to fight for the freedom of mages, so one day I can marry you." My heart dropped deeper. It was somehow like he read my mind and what he said hurt me even more. Yes, I wanted to free the mages, but I knew somehow in the process I could lose him, and I probably would by how he's been talking about it.. Was it really worth it anymore? I drew in a breath of air, turning back towards Sandal and trying to put on my best mask.

"Yes, Sandal. Marriage." I forced a smile, my lip quivering as I kept blinking quickly to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. "Now, do you know where your father is?"

"Behind you Lady Hawke!" He grinned, pointing over my head. I turned around, looking around but not seeing anyone. I looked over the whole room and couldn't see him, he was always in the main room, odd that he wasn't there.

"Where-"

"I'm up here, madam. What is it you need my assistance with?" I heard Bodhan beckon from the stairs. looking up, there he was. How did I not see him? I smiled, making my way over to the start of the stairs.

"I was wondering where the new kitten went. I can't seem to find him and I haven't seen him all day." I spoke, just loud enough so he could hear me but not loud enough to hurt my burning throat. Dear Maker, I had to read these bloody letters soon. Maybe Bethany has heard of my ailment and knows what's wrong. But Anders didn't know what was wrong and he's more powerful than her. I hope I haven't caught some off beat disease from slaying all those toxic spiders in the mines.

"Oh, Anders you mean? Yes, missere. I know right where he is. He's been sleeping under your bed all morning! When I went to clean your room I heard a purring under the bed and there he was!" Bodahn spoke happily over my thoughts. Anders raised his eyebrow in confusion, turning towards me.

"Darling? Why did he call the kitten Anders?" His foot tapped on the floor impatiently, his arms crossing as he waited for a response. I bit my lip as my face heated up, looking back at the ground.

"Uhhh. That's... his.. name..?" I chuckled nervously, looking up at him out of the corner of my eye only to see that damned crooked smirk pasted on his face again. He looked quite happy about this.

"You named your little kitten after me even though you found him around when we first met?" He smirk grew as he spoke, stepping closer to me. I shook my head shyly and looked up at him confusedly. He laughed, grabbing back onto my hand. "That is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Now can we please go see him?" Another nod. I could barely mutter a reply because of the growing pain in my legs and the embarrassment of him finding that out. Just as I had reached the door to my room, I felt my body sway from under me.

Bodhan walked over as soon as he saw me almost fall, placing a sturdy hand on my back to hold me up, trying his best to keep Anders from seeing the scenario behind him. I gripped onto the door frame, placing my feet firmly on the ground again. "I suggest you read that note from Mister Varric immediately, dear. I fear that you won't hold up much longer in the condition that your in. If not for your own sake, at least for his." Bodhan whispered, his eyebrows both raising in worry as he patted my back.

"I will, I promise." I winced, slowly making my way into the room, the door closing quietly behind me. Well, here goes nothing.


	6. The Witch

"Blah blah urgent, something about me, someone was looking for you, blah blah then something about Fenris being jealous..." Anders grinned devilishly, his light brown eyes scanning the note from Varric. Hm. His eyes looked like they had little red and gold speckles in them. I sighed, flopping back onto the bed and motioning him to continue. "Blondie is up your skirt, blah- hey wait a minute. How did he know?.."

I chuckled inwardly, sighing aloud again. "Of course he knows. He's Varric. Now go on. What is so important, you think?"

He looked up from the note, turning towards me. "Me being up your skirt, of course." He stated matter-of-factly, poking at my nose. "Maker's breath! A witch!"

I jumped a little at his loudness of his voice, my eyes shooting open immediately. "You bastard! Why must you scream?" I slapped him on the arm playfully, glaring at him. Anders pouted out his lip, pulling me into his arms in an almost suffocating hug. "Get off me you crazy nug!" I giggled, biting at him. "Now can you please read me the actual note and not just the tidbits you find amusing?"

He groaned, pulling away from me slowly and looking back at the note. He scrunched up his nose at it, a heavy sigh leaving his throat before beginning back over the note more carefully.

"Hawke, I write to you in urgency. I sent a note on an urchin yesterday but never got one back. Guess you didn't get it or you were too busy with Blondie. I also sent him a note asking about the details so I can write it in my book. Guess he didn't get it either. Anyways, we got a big problem down here. An old friend of a friend said someone was in Lowtown looking for you at night and said to tell you to come to the pub as soon as you can. I was gonna go with just Merrill since Isabela is already there but Fenris insisted on going, too.. Because of some reason blah blah. You know how he is with the brooding mysteriousness. One thing isn't a mystery, though, he definitely likes you, Hawke. And he hates that Blondie is up your skirt. When I told him where you were and told him you were at home, he wanted to come see you but I told him you were already being 'cared' for. He literally turned red with anger! Well, let me stop stating the obvious and tell you the news. It's bad, but it's good, too. Good news is, we found help. Bad news is, the help we found is a witch, and she found us. So, please hurry or else I'm going to have to beat Blondie for keeping you in bed for two days straight. This woman scares me." Anders read the note aloud, looking over at me as he crumpled it back up and threw it in the trash.

"Love, I hate to scare you but we need to leave now." His eyes were more serious and stressed than minutes earlier as he looked at me, brushing his hand over the side of my face. "We must know what is going on with you."

===Merrill at the Hanged Man===

I leaned back to the corner, meekly watching as the witch roamed carelessly through Varric's room at the Hanged Man, my fingers fumbling nervously over the buttons on my robes as she rummaged through his things as if it were nothing. "May I ask what your looking for? Maybe I could be of assistance, Asha."

"Merrill, darling, there are preparations that must take place before she arrives. Would you know where a pot would be?"

I bit my lip, looking down at my feet as I rubbed them over the wooden floor beneath me. "Ma nuvenin, Asha. As you wish." I started for the door, keeping my head down as I passed Varric. He stopped me, placing his firm hand in front of me with a wide grin.

"It's okay, Daisy. I got this one. I have the feeling I may need to go get a drink, anyways." And with that, before I could argue he practically ran out, leaving me and an extremely quiet Fenris with the woman. He hadn't spoke much so I kept my distance as he cursed to himself under his breath. She peeked up at me from her bent over position, smiling warmly. She had a flat piece of glass laid on Varric's table in front of her, examining it with her hands as she watched me.

"My girl, care to help me with the brew we must make Hawke? I promise not to bite you just yet." The older woman chuckled, letting her white hair fall to her face as the skin around her eyes wrinkled in laughter. I walked towards her slowly, my hips swaying as I made my way to her. "There's much to be done. I need a dagger or a knife of some sort."

I turned towards the exit, seeing Varric and Isabella already standing by the door frame. "I knew Heartbreaker and Backstabber would come in handy, Revaini." He chuckled to her, hitting her on the arm playfully to get her attention. She smiled over at me, pulling one or the other from her back and nodding to me before throwing it at me. The dagger swirled through the air before I could reach my hand up to grab it. I saw a pale hand reach in front of me just before I hit my shoulder, grabbing it from thin air.

I rotated back towards the table, smiling sheepishly at the witch. "Ma serannas, Asha. Thank you. What must we do?"

"I'm going to need to get this done quickly, so I would hope you all would help with mixing. She dug into her pouch, pulling out a large sum of ingredients as Varric dropped the small cooking pot on the table next to me, leaning against it. "I'll need to slice into the stems of the elfroot I've collected and extract the inner stem. The rest needs to be discarded, and the inner portion must be chopped. Then, it'll be placed in the pot with dried crumbles of deep mushroom that Merrill is going to prepare." She looked over at Varric, smiling at him. "I have a few chunks from a spirit shard," She handed them to him, ushering him to the chair, "Grind them to a powder as best you can."

She set down a small flasks of what appeared to be concentrating and distillation agent and a vile lyrium dust before resting back into her chair. "It'll all need to be condensed down and brewed with a few more.. Stronger ingredients. I usually wouldn't need help but there's a long day ahead of us and I needn't use all my energy on such perilous tasks."

"Ah, of course, witch. Wouldn't wanna waste the energy your going to use to kill my friend on making her poison.." Fenris glared at her from across the table. She looked up and laughed at him, slapping her fist on the table.

"Of course, child. But why would I waste my time making poison for just one girl if I could just turn into a dragon and eat all of you?"

I grabbed the wilted deep mushroom from the table as she started on pulling apart the freshly pulled elfroot, only looking up once in a while to put the driest pieces of the mushroom in the pan. "What other ingredients are there?" I asked curiously, looking up from my spot to see Varric sitting next to me with the back of his pocket knife pounding on a piece of spirit shard. She pulled away the frail outer body of the green plant, tossing it to the side and equipping Isabella's dagger.

"Well, there's a few more, actually. Deathroot will be needed to put her into a trance so whatever inside her will rise. Demonic Ichor to persuade it to come out. Usually both of these would be toxic when mixed correctly with any type of distillation agent. After consuming the poisonous ingredients she will stop breathing but the spirit shard's dust will keep the spirit alive. She will be paralyzed as her mind crosses to the Fade, but only until the spirit comes out. That's what's been happening, and she's been too weak to fight her way back while her health drops dangerously. I've added elfroot to give her some more health, and the lyrium and deep mushroom should help her by raising her magic levels and her stamina."

I looked up from the table, watching the witch finish off the potion she had made for my friend. I was nervous and weary about continuing, but I had no other choice. It all seemed to make sense, and this might be the only way to save her. "Merrill, my child, you are going to have to work on keeping her alive while the others monitor her breathing. I'm going to have to examine what comes out, since I'm unsure that it's even a spirit so that is why she must take this. We will have just enough time to see and maybe speak to this being before we have to get her out. She won't make it long in there. According to you and from what your friends saw, we might have a bigger problem. Best to find out what's inside her before it takes over."

Fenris stood up from the table, glaring at me as he stepped forth. "Your going to let this witch poison Hawke? You vashedan bitch! This must not happen. I won't let it. I don't care if I have to kill you and everyone else in this room! I'll be damned if a blood mage takes another life!"

I glared at him with sadness in my eyes, pushing him away from me. "Fenris, this may be our only hope. We have to do something for Hawke." My voice shook as I sat down, keeping my head faced away from him as tears threatened to leave my eyes. "If she dies, you won't have to kill me. I will kill myself for being foolish and losing a great woman."

I hand pressed to my face as a tear fell, grabbing it from under my eye. "Don't cry, da'len. If Hawke is what you say she is, this won't affect her." The woman's piercing yellow shaded eyes stared into mine, a smile moving to her face. "She's a strong woman, she can fight this. I won't let her die. She's done me a great service and I owe her this."

I nodded, watching her carefully as she walked back over to the pot, mixing in the last ingredient- the lyrium. She cleared her throat. "Also, due to using such a powerful concoction, something might slip back from the Fade with her. The Ichor attracts spirits. We need to stay armed so we can fight whatever comes back because it will be coming for her and she won't be able to fight it. Also, I'm aware that there's a healer in your group? Will he be present?"

"Yes, they are together right now, he wouldn't dare to be away from her while she is ill." I spoke quietly, shuffling my feet to the door. "I think they are coming."

"All the better, I will need his help, too."


	7. The PreRitual

I held tightly onto Anders as we made our way to the back of the pub, listening to Merrill intently as she went off about what needed to be done. He would make comments every once in a while pertaining to the potion she was talking of, and I kept to myself as I focused on just making it to the bloody room. As I arrived at the entrance, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight. I skinny woman stood before me in a black and red robe, holding something in her hands as she spoke to Varric. Her white blonde hair flown over her shoulder as she turned to the door, a warm smile plastered on her thin pink lips. My heart stopped as well as my feet. "Flemeth?"

"Yes, child. I've came to help you with your... Ailment." She paused, her smile widening as she came towards me, little wrinkles forming at the corners of her mouth. "I trust Merrill has told you all you must know for the time being. Come, join me at the table. Your friend, too. He will be needed for what must be done." Anders looked over at me, raising his eyebrow a little as we followed Flemeth cautiously into the room. My feet feeling heavy as my heart raced in my chest. I felt like I was about to faint.

Varric sat by the empty chair, a grin on his face when he saw us. "Looks like I have a lot to catch up on, Blondie. Hope you didn't use too much of her energy before you came here." He winked over at me, patting the chair as we made it to his side. Anders pulled me down onto the chair with him, holding me quite protectively on his lap as he watched the witch float across the room to get whatever she needed before returning to us. Varric and him were talking about something I could no longer make out but I didn't bother getting involved.

I kept listening to the voices around me as my head ached in my hands, feeling my eyes sting as I saw the look on Merrill's face. She looked terrified, she had to have known more than she told us and it didn't look good. I grumbled to myself, shifting my weight from one side to the other in his grasp and slowly pulling his arms from around my waist to give me enough room to lean up a little to look into the pot. Some weird gooey salve. Dread Wolf, take me, that had to be something I needed to drink.

I stuck my finger into the pot, picking up a little wet crumble of what appeared to be lyrium dust and licking my finger audibly. "What in Andraste's name are you doing, love?" Anders looked up at me, grabbing my hand before I could take another chunk to my lips. I swallowed the grainy dust that was in my throat as he examined my finger. It had little sparkles of blue all over it and the lyrium had pasted itself to me. "Why would you.. Eat this in it's raw form?"

I grabbed my hand back from him, licking the remains from my finger. "Bad habit I formed as a child. I used to eat raw ingredients that father brought home. Lyrium was my favorite for when I had a headache." I muttered under my breath, uncomfortably looking around the room before focusing back on him. He shook his head, pulling his arms back around me.

"I wouldn't reccomend eating tidbits of lyrium dust, darling. Especially from an unknown pot. Who knows what else is in there."

"Oh, Blondie, stop your worrying. Everyone here has been working their asses off to help make that goo, and all you have to do is become her chair. Lazy nug of a mage. Let the girl have some fun." Varric grinned again, shooting him the look as he took a drink from his tankard.

"Not exactly, dwarf." Flemeth's voice rose from the air, a laugh making it's way from her throat. "He will be playing a big role in this."

Anders huffed, leaning back as he muttered something back to Varric, most likely saying some smart ass comment under the lines of 'I somehow knew this isn't all I'm here for'. "What is my role in this, exactly?" He finally spoke up, a little too eagerly for my liking. Flemeth eyed him as she slid a piece of glass in front of me, taking my hand into hers.

"Your going into the Fade with her." My heart cringed at her words, everything seeming to stop around me. I knew I was going into the Fade, but I thought I'd be doing it alone. I inhaled a large sum of air as my lips quivered, trying to suppress my tears.

"Alright. As much as I dislike the Fade, if it means keeping her safe, I'll gladly do it." My heart ripped again as I pulled my gaze from her to him. My eyes were welling up with tears. He brought his hand to my face, smiling at me as he wiped under my eyes. "It's okay, Hawke. I'm not letting you go alone whether you want me to or not."

"Anders you-" I felt a pinch of my finger that Flemeth had in her hand, followed by a warm stinging sensation. I swung my head back around, seeing her set down what looked like 'Bela's blade as red liquid poured from my hand. She placed it over the glass, squeezing it gently as the blood fell onto it. "Why are you doing this?"

She looked down at me, setting my hand down gently to pick the blade back up. "It'll be used as a type of pathway. I'm going to have to cook the ingredients over it. I need more, though." I pulled the blade from her hand, clenching the other into a fist as I turned my wrist up. Anders grabbed the point of the blade before it touched my, looking at me with concern.

"Is this blood magic of some sort?" His voice was strict and his eyes seemed to gleam blue as he looked at her, his jaw tight as he glared. Flemeth placed her hand on his, moving it off the blade.

"No, it isn't. This is a pre-ritual experiment that was around long before blood magic. This is how we find out if the ritual is necessary. If her blood sets fire we must continue."

"You speak of Elgar Lin'Shiral?" Merrill looked over in surprise, lacing her fingers together as she rocked on her heels. "I've only heard of it once in my lifetime. It was a ritual my Keeper's ancestors practiced. It dates back to the Dales' first contact with Darkspawn. It tells if there is taint in the blood, or a possession of some sort is in her. The ritual itself is very dangerous, so this is good to do beforehand. They didn't want to endanger someone if they weren't absolutely sure it had to be done."

Flemeth smiled to her, nodding. I bit my lip nervously, thinking of the Elven words she had spoken. "Elgar Lin'Shiral, meaning... Something blood journey?" Elgar. What did it mean? Deadly, maybe? Oh, my head..

"It means Spirit Blood Journey. I didn't know you spoke Elvish, Lethallan. When did you learn?" Merrill smiled at me, tapping on the floor with her foot. I could tell that the little elf was trying to delay what had to happen.

"I know a little from my sister. She had a Dalish friend when we were young. I loved listening to them talk and I picked up on a few words." I spoke, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. "This must be done, Merrill. I'm sorry." With that, a reared my arm back a bit, exhaling once more as I flung the blade across my wrist, blood splattering over the table. My arm felt hot as the blood spilt from it, making me numb. I sat the blade down, feeling the room become tense as the glass filled with blood. Anders squeezed tightly onto me, pulling my wrist towards him.

"May I fix it?" He shuddered, looking at the blood seep into my light brown suede pants. Flemeth gave him a look of approval, her breath a bit heavier as she saw how much blood had left the small cut. I closed my eyes, feeling a coldness surge through my arm, looking back at Anders as the pain left the sore little by little. His eyes shown glazing blue as he stared at it, squeezing my wrist tightly on both sides of the sore as the light illuminated from his gaze to the gash. Flemeth waited for him to finish before continuing.

She pulled an empty vial from around her neck, handing it to me. "Put a little inside of this to preserve it. Anders will need it to lead him to you. Do you have anything of his?" I bit my lip, shaking my head as I shoved the little piece of cotton back into the vial and handed it to him. He muttered something under his breath, reaching around to the back of his neck.

"Here.. This should work.." Anders unlatched a chord from around his neck, holding out a little vial that glowed a brightly. I looked at it intensely, thinking to myself.

"That looks.. Familiar. I think my cousin had one of those. She broke it when she left the Circle."

He pulled it around my neck, leaning over my shoulder to kiss my cheek. "Then you must know what it's for." I nodded holding it it my hand as I thought back. During the battle of Ostagar we had no time to talk, she had looked so different since her escape. I would have to write her if I made it through all of this. I sighed, leaning back against him as I looked back at the blood in front of me. If she was alive..

"Okay, now that everyone has traded phylacteries and other bodily fluids can we get on with it?" Varric muttered, sitting up from his chair a little as he took a big swig of ale.

"Very well then." Flemeth took in a bit of air, puffing out her chest as she dipped her finger into the blood, closing her eyes as I stood for her. "Na'isala el'vir na arla. Suledin na shiral na'reth, len alas." She chanted over me, sliding her bloody finger over from under my eye and across my nose, ending at my cheek. "Your in need of our way home. Endure your journey to safety, child earth." She pulled her hand away, watching me carefully. I felt the heat rise in my face as I shook, something in her words provoking the pain inside me. The burning flooded my sight as I squeezed onto my head, screaming.

"What's going on with her?" I heard Anders voice faintly over the beating of my heart as it pounded violently in my chest. "Hawke!" I gritted my teeth as the burning became worse, the place the blood was feeling like it was on fire.

"Concentrate that rage you feel on the glass! We've awoken something!" Flemeth's shouts barely made to my ears as I let out another scream. I breathed in deeply, squeezing tighter on my head as a loud shriek went through my ears. Another rush of fire. I wobbled to the table, looking down at the hazy red before me. I felt my eyes sting more and more as I concentrated on it, the pain growing in my chest as everything around me seemed to close in. I saw a light growing over the table, whistling to me as I watched it. All the pain left again and I fell back to the ground shaking.

"Unbelievable! Look, Hawke!" Merrill mused gleefully, looking at the table with shimmering eyes as Anders helped me to my feet. I looked down, at the table, a blue flame now hovering over the blood on the glass. "Look at what you did! It's beautiful!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking to the side. "Ah, yeah. Fire. Great. Just what I had hoped for."


	8. The Last Kiss: A Kind of Sacrifice

I watched in frustration as Flemeth set the bubbling pot down before me, humming something to herself. "Shall I drink it yet? I need this day to be over.." I muttered, almost incoherently to myself, tapping my fingers on the tiny table next to the bed I was on. She looked up from the pot, sitting down beside me and Anders.

"Just be aware that you might encounter Justice in the Fade instead of Anders, but you are the one I fear for.." Her eyes narrowed at him, a worried expression I had not seen from her before. "We still are unsure what is inside her, and she will most likely not be.. herself. Just know that you have to calm whatever it is down and get her out of there. Your going to have to leave together or else one will not be coming back, and that person might be you, Warden. You must find her as soon as you enter and keep her as close as possible."

"I'm well aware of this but sacrifices must be made sometimes if necessary." His reply was short as he watched her carefully. I sniffled as I tightened my grip on his arm, shaking my head.

"No, no. You can't do this Anders. I won't allow it. I can't lose-" He placed his finger over my lips, smiling at me with an unknown sadness looming in his eyes. He pressed his lips to my forehead, kissing me gently as a hot tear fell onto my face.

"And I can't lose you. This is a risk I'm willing to take. I will not let this happen, love." Anders looked down at me as he pulled away, gnawing at his lip as he dug into his pocket, "If you feel like your losing yourself in there," He held out his hand, pulling my towards it and placing something in it, "Just remember what you have here. Look at this and maybe just maybe.." Another deep breath. "Maybe you can come back to me."

I looked down at my hand, opening it shakily. I stared down at the small object in awe, tears filling my eyes. "A Fereldan Wildflower? How did you get this?" I examined the long glass tube, seeing the pastel purple peeking back through at me. It's vines wrapped around a thorny stem, the leaves looking that they also had spikes on the tips. It was frozen inside the tube and there was something etched into the side of it. "... Now, always and forever in my heart, until the end of time."

"I remember the day we were in the Deep Roads and you told me about how you lost the flower Malcolm gave you when you left Lothering."

I smiled at him, slipping it into my pocket. "I will hold onto this forever. But Anders, I'm not going to lose you, right? Why do you keep saying that?" I whispered, looking to him as another tear left my eye. Flemeth slid the pot into his hand, smiling at me weakly. Why was he doing this. I tried to reach my hand up to stop him from drinking it but he grabbed my hand, pulling the pan to his lips in one swift motion. "Anders!"

I cried quietly to myself as it was sat on my lap, half gone and steaming. I wiped the tears from my eyes once again, drinking the rest of it in one large sip before grasping back onto him. "I'm not going to hurt you, Anders. I promise. Just please tell me that your not going anywhere." He turned towards me, pulling my face into his hands.

"I can't promise you that. If we haven't enough time for both of us to slip back through, I'm pushing you in before me. I will try my best to keep us both safe, I do promise that, but do know that no matter the circumstances you will always come first." I reached my hand up to his as I felt my mind starting to drift away. "I love you."

I cried harder, pressing my lips to his as my eyes fell shut. "I love you, too. Don't leave me, please." My heart felt like being it was ripped from me carelessly as we shared that kiss. I didn't want it to be the last one we had.

"I won't leave you, darling. Just don't let go. Remember this while your in there. Remember what you have here with me."


	9. The Fade: Our Way Home

I hissed in pain as I felt a volt of energy surge through my limp body, shooting into the back of my head and scorching my brain. I squeezed my temples, biting back a scream as the pain intisified. "Maker's breath, this needs to end!" My mouth spat on it's own, words flowing from it without any thought. My throat stung as I spoke, bringing me to almost gag. I breathed in deeply, grabbing at my chest as pain rose to it when I sat. I felt a chain around my neck, looking down to see a glowing vial. "Anders."

I shot up from where I was, the world around me coming into focus. This was not a place I wanted to be. It was dark all around and very cold. I heard a rustle of something behind me, shooting around and pulling my weapon from my back. "What in-" I looked down at was was my sword, seeing a staff instead. No wonder it felt lighter and different when I grabbed it.

"Hawke..." The voice sung from the abyss before me, a dark shadow coming into view. Was that.. Stepping from the shadows I saw my cousin, her blondish hair shining from the darkness and illuminating the world around me. Why was she here? "Stormy, I need your help. We must kill the archdemon. It's.. Destroyed everything.. Alistair." She collapsed at my feet as I grabbed her, setting her down. Her eyes. There was something wrong. She gripped onto me, pulling me towards her. "You must kill it, cousin. For I've grown too weak. The taint.. It's in you, isn't it? Something is inside you. Use it and kill the archdemon."

I looked down, pulling her hand away from her stomach. Blood. So much blood pouring from her. This wasn't right. I felt myself become inthralled by her eyes before I could think. "Yes. I can kill it." More words came from my lips without permission. She smiled up at me, her bruised lips shivering in the wind. There was that pain again when I tried to move. I winced, pulling my hands around my head and snapping out of it.

"Don't listen to her, Stormy!" A loud panicked voice came from behind me, making the smile faint off of her lips. "It's a trick. Don't fall for it! None of this is real!"

"You are the one who isn't real mage!" A tinge changed in her voice as the man came closer. Anders. Thank the Maker. I looked back down at her, a tear falling from my face.

I slipped my hand behind my back, grabbing onto the staff. I pulled it into my hand shaking as I watched her carefully. I hope to hell I know how to work this thing or else I'm gonna get eaten. I rose the staff above her, concentrating all my energy on the lightening I had vividly remembered from when I had went to sleep, "The archdemon is no longer, cousin. You've killed it already." I whispered, feeling a small singe from the staff as the blue light hailed from it, her body changing to her true form as her heart stopped from the large shock I had sent her. "Bloody desire demons, so tired of these things.." I pushed the body off of me, trying to ignore the pain inside me enough to stand and face him.

"We must hurry, love. We haven't got much time." Anders panted, grabbing onto me as he set off in a full run through the portal. I felt immense pain wave through me as we went through it, my body shattering under itself and sending me into a scream with him. The heat.. It was burning me inside out. I felt myself beginning to black out again, looking up one last time to see a blue glow surging through him as the agony reached my ears.

===Merrill at the Hanged Man===

I watched her lay lifeless along with Anders, nibbling on my nails as I waited for any signs at all. "Wonder what's going on. Do you think they're okay, Asha?" I spoke quickly and quietly, finally having mustered up the courage to speak despite my fear. "This is so tense. So overwhelming. My, I do hope they're okay."

Flemeth looked over to me from the bed, placing her thumb on Hawke's throat, waiting a moment before speaking. At the touch of her finger, Hawke's chest rose and fell again violently, her body trembling as did my hands as I watched, standing up from my seat. "What's happening to them?"

She glanced at me breifly in panic, standing from her spot as well. "It's awakening."

A scream released itself from Hawke's throat as her body rose again and retracted, rumbling slightly. Her voice no longer sounded like hers, and it was more of a draconic shriek that wailed as her body flew up from the bed, her arms spreading wide as her neck popped when her head vicously snapped towards us. Her eyes opened slowly, rolling to the back of her head and hiding the red light that was coming out of them as the veins in her body popped a red glow of their own. "Ready yourselves to stabilize her! This may go awry really soon!"

Her body fell back down like bricks as another glowing form rose next to her. "You must stop this! Her pain is my own!" A shout from none other than Justice as he pulled her to his chest to restrain her. Flemeth looked as if in shock, rushing towards him to help. "I will not stay long! The Fade is calling! You must help her, witch!" He screamed to her as Hawke sprung up once more, flinging Flemeth across the room in seconds. I shot from my seat as his body fell with her, the color leaving his body as hers grew stronger, pain in her voice as she levitated from the bed, fighting us back with another howl.

Falling to her knees, Hawke's spine stuck out, spikes pulling their way through her skin like razors and blood shimmering under her light shirt. I pulled her back onto the bed with Fenris, watching her mouth open in another scream. Fangs were growing in there! She wailed, pushing us off as she dug her nails into Varric's bed, shuddering as she pulled them from the sheets as they grew longer. She fell again, lifeless, her skin becoming pale again as her breathing steadied.

"This cannot be.."

===Back to the Fade===

I awoken to someone shaking me, pulling the life back into my frail form. "Lady Hawke! Breathe, damn it! We haven't any time at all!" The rumbling voice fought to wake me as it shouted. I fluttered my eyes open, seeing what seemed to be a very concerned Justice. A somewhat purple light radiated from him. Why? I looked down at my hand that was laced in his, seeing the redness of my own skin. Obviously I had my answer. I took in a breath, lifting my head from the floor slowly. "Hawke. Thank.. Thank the Maker you have returned." He somewhat stuttered at me, pulling me up into his arms and standing. "We have to get out of here. Now. Can you walk?"

I nodded, wobbling as he sat me back on my feet. "Are you sure?" I nodded again, closing my eyes for a second before beginning after him through the darkness. I tried to move swiftly with him, trying to make equally long strides to catch up. I breathed heavily as my stomach pinched with an unexlplainable feeling. "After we entered the portal we passed out. I'm not sure how long we were asleep so we must make haste."

"I wonder why that happened.. Was it what I did?" I shuddered, thinking back to how that zap of energy went through my hand with ease just like my sister. She would be proud. I sucked in a lump of air, bitterness stinging my mouth as we moved our way through the Fade slowly.

"I know of your heritage but I had no idea you beared magic in your very blood. What you did back there.. had nothing to do with the stave. It was like pure raw energy coming straight from you to her. It amazes me that a warrior such as yourself can do so without even a channel. Mages can't perform offensive magic in that manner." Justice spoke to me, pulling me along through the darkness like it was nothing to him. Then again, he did spend a large sum of time in the Fade.

"I don't know how it happened.. I just thought of the storm a few nights ago and then I saw it, I didn't even think it would work to be honest." I mused to him, flipping my hair from my face as I looked down at my hand. "It's too dark in this blighted place."

He stopped, looking down at me for a second. "Well then. Do something." I stared at him like he had six heads, raising my eyes as my mouth dropped to speak. "Honest, Lady Hawke. Just think of light and focus."

I bit into my lip, closing my eyes as I withdrew a short breath, thinking back to Fereldan in the summer, how the lights twinkled from the sky even at night. How blindingly bright it was when me and Bethany would play in the rain. We hadn't a care during summer when we were young. I felt a heat in my hand, slowly opening my eyes to see what was going on. Bloody nugs! My staff had a light surging through the top of it. I grinned, shrugging at the man before me as I continued down the path I could now see. "Still amazing."

I felt my leg give out underneath me as I ceased my sprinting towards what looked to be an exit, my body nearly crumbling as Justice made his way to me with great speed. "Hawke! Come on, we have to go! What's wrong?"

I grimaced, a wave of heat flowing uncontrollably through my spine and paralyzing me. My thoughts seemed so fogged from pain except one. Get him safe. "Go without me, Justice. I'll catch up with you in a moment." I grunted, feeling him try to pull me up.

"You lie! You must come with before it closes! We go together!" He roared, stumbling as I pushed away- a shiver crawling through my body as that famliar agonizing sensation filled me to my core.

"Go!" The feelings overtook me as I failed to keep my composure, feeling a shot go through my fingertips and gums. Justice clenched his jaw shut, giving me a sharp look as he wrapped his arms under my legs and around my shoulders. I tried to push back from him as he lifted me with ease.

"I refuse to go without you, Hawke. This is not a descision you can make for me. If you stay, I will gladly welcome my own death as you die in my arms." Justice nearly growled as I slid my sharp and growing nails across his arms, trying to get him to let me down.

"No, you will go! You will go now while you can! I'm not worth it! I will destroy you. You must let me go while you have time! For both of you! For the mages, save yourself and forget me!" I screamed, almost inhumanly as my voice seemed to shatter the ground beneath us, rumbling under his feet and shaking me. He looked down at me with almost sadness in his glass-like eyes, his eyebrows furrowing together as he pulled something from my pocket.

The sides of his lips twitched as he handed me a glass tube, a small watery gleam in his eyes as he spoke, unable to move forward yet. "Remember what you have there! At home! Our home! Now stop this nonsense! I will not leave you! You promised you would not leave me!" His voice sounded more like Anders and made my stop my fussing. My heart beat in my chest fell to my ears as I looked at him with hope in my eyes. "Remember our love?"

I held tightly onto the tube, feeling the pain fade away from me as I watched him. "Let's go home."


	10. The Mountaintop

_Done a whole chapter in Anders' point of view. :P_

"Halam sahlin!" Hawke's feet flew over the rubble with ease, one foot gripping to a tree trunk as the other one flew to the air in a twirl. It was the dance of death, Varric called it. We had been sitting for hours now starstruck by her movements. She made her way towards Flemeth after the jump, rushing past her and flipping her body back around to face her in a mere second. Her foot made contact with the woman's back, and she took off in a spin as she projected herself from Flemeth, bracing for impacts as she somewhat spun to her knees in front of her. "Emma serannas, Flemeth." She bowed her head to the witch, her breath coming out in pants as she gathered herself again.

The old woman smiled, lifting her to her feet. "Your learning faster than I had imagined you would, my child. I wish Morrigan was more like you, eager to learn and quick to follow. Are you alright to continue?" Stormy nodded, pulling the two swords from her back as she stepped away from her, sucking in a big breath of Sundermount air. Her delicate hands threw them to the air, grabbing one from the base and using it to knock the other higher, finally settling the blade itself in her hand before tossing it to her. She caught it, pointing it to Hawke as they circled each other, Hawke's hair breezing back in the wind as she back stepped a stab. "Continue when ready, child. Channel that rage again only when needed or else you will tire far too soon."

Hawke nodded again, looking over to us briefly as she dipped under the blade. I smiled to her despite my worry, running my thumb gently over the gashes on my arm I had received only days earlier. Her body flowed at every strike they made, so swift with little to no effort needed. She matched each blow from Flemeth with her own, laughing every time she had the sword to her neck. "Use your strength now! Your weakening!" Flemeth shouted as another blow came her way, making her duck.

"I don't know how to control it!" A shout left her as she struggled to plant her foot on the rock next to her to take off. Flemeth grabbed her ankle as Stormy came towards her through the air, twisting her to the ground. She wrestled the woman for the sword, pushing it away from her next and slipping our from underneath her, jumping up to place the sword at the back of her neck. "Victory."

They both stood, heaving each breath as they folded over, laughing to each other. "Keep that up child and I might just take you under my wing." Hawke giggled at her comment, patting her on the shoulder leaning a bit further in to put her arm around the lady.

"I might take you under my wing, Flemeth." She smiled, looking over to me again and making my heart flutter in my chest. "We have a little more to go, love and we'll be done for the day." I nodded, observing them both with a smile of my own. She seemed so happy for the time being.

"Take as much time as you need, darling. We're in no hurry to go."

She squeaked, making me look up only to find Flemeth and her rolling in the mud and fighting each other with lighthearted comments and grins the whole way. "Has your magic regenerated yet?"

Hawke paused, standing back up to dust herself off. "I.. Yes. I'm just not sure how to do anything. I only used my reserves in the heat of the moment when I was in the Fade. I'm unsure how I even did it." There was a serious tone in her voice but Flemeth didn't hear it or seem to care. I subtle smile painted to her pursed lips.

"Yes you do, my child. Just give it a shot." They circled each other again, separating quicker than before. Both seemed energized through the exhaustion and the physical exertion they both were experiencing. Hawke stood awkwardly, holding out her hand and jumping.

"Fireball!"

I laughed to myself at the stupidity. Did she really think that would work? Flemeth sighed at her, lifting her staff and slamming it on the ground. The earth shook beneath them, making Hawke force herself back up. "Think of what makes you angry, child. Think of the thick rain during Ostagar, think of the fire that burned your home to the ground! Think of the day your sister was pulled from you, the day the Ogre got Carver, the pain you felt when Isabela betrayed you! Think of the lightning that cracked from the sky when you lost your life! Think of templars trying to take away your Warden after taking your sister!"

"Hey, that's not nice." 'Bela glared at the witch as she shifted in her seat beside Varric, her anger obliterating as she heard the anger in Hawke's voice when she spoke, the immense pain of her body channeling to her tone as her skin flared red. I gripped onto my arm, watching almost breathless. Her calm aura evaporated as a flame cascaded from the tops of her hands.

"They will not take anyone." She shouted, the flame surging to Flemeth as she moved viciously over the ground with vigor in every step. "My father! Forced to hiding! My sister not experiencing the world! My mother's pain when both were ripped from her! This cannot be of another mage!" Her voice made my blood run cold, I had never seen her this angry. She surged forth with a quick pace, sending a waft of violent air towards her. Flemeth summoned her shield, blocking the deadly blow as she moved to the inner workings of the cliff.

"Oh, yes they will! They will take every mage until every one of them is tranquil or dead! They will all be taken away from you, even him. You will never see Bethany again if you do not fight!"

Hawke jumped as the earth under her cracked wide, rain pouring from the sky above as they fought. "They will not hurt her. I will fight." Lightening fell from the sky, cracking like a whip as it made it's way to Flemeth. She smiled at her, lobbing a flaming ball of fire at Hawke.

"And what will become of you when they find out what you are? What your capable of? They will not hesitate to bar you up like every other mage!"

Hawke laughed, catching the fire in her palms. "Then all the better! I will get to play a part in the revolution. They will die for what they've done, that is inevitable, the question of who will bring down the Templar Order is irrelevant, despite how badly I want to be part of it's crumbling," She moved her hands apart, fire growing between them as she smiled, "The only question is how soon." She let go of the energy, letting it hit right above Flemeth before falling to her knees and her skin color restoring itself as she panted.

Flemeth walked over to her, almost cat-like, smiling down at Hawke. "So don't say you can't control it. Now how did that feel?"

A large grin sprung across her face, her eyes softening again with a slight laugh as she rubbed her chest. "That felt amazing."


End file.
